Illusion of Love

i have known you
like no other else have ever known you
i have talked to you
like no other else have ever talked to you

i have given you something
something i have not given to anyone
i have told you everything
so to everything you know
i have loved you

like I have loved for the first time
You have love me like I am the last

But then….
this is just my illusion
for the reality is…


You are someone everyone could have
but someone I could never have
You are someone I could talk about anything
but not talk about me and you

You are someone
who forever remain to be a dream
A dream
I could never reach

Because You are
my illusion of love.

If Only

by Lea Salonga

If only I could find a way to say the words
I've kept for a long time
Oh if only I could stay to make you
Feel the way I do
With us not parting I can

If only I could let you know
I love you so
Oh I love you so much
Oh if only I could find a way
To say it easily
Oh god, please let it be

If only we could have more time
To learn, to love, to know our feelings
If only time could slow down and in every minute
We are in each other's arms
Oh if only
Oh if only I can

If only we could have more time
To learn, to love, to know our feelings
If only time could slow down and in every minute
We are in each other's arms
Oh if only
Oh if only I can...

Listen to the grains here

Heart and Mind

Mind: You know that he is your friend and it is hard to love a friend…

Heart: Yet i love him much more than a friend, is it so wrong to love a friend?

Mind: No it isn't, but loving a friend involves a lot of risk…

Heart: What are they? will they be worth avoiding?

Mind: For you, it is…that is if you don’t want to suffer the pain of unrequited love…

Heart: This feeling i have, i don’t want to keep. i want it known to him…

Mind: Then risk your friendship?

Heart: Which is harder, sitting beside him hiding my love, or him avoiding me and knowing where i stand?

Mind: whichever you prefer….

Heart: you are the mind… you ought to think….

Mind: I may rationalize to you the pros and cons. Yet in the end it is still You who decides what to do

Heart: But i am irrational, i don't think of the consequences of my decisions. I just do whatever it feels like doing…. that is why I’ve had a lot of pains already….

Mind: Pains and sufferings, they are part of loving…

Heart: I don’t think I can take more suffering…. I have been broken already…

Mind: But you also heal… then love again…. it is through You that I learn about life…

Heart: So what am i going to do, Mind?

Mind: Pray…. pray…pray… and ask God to help both of us…. cause when you are troubled… i could not think…. Ask him to help us see…

Heart: And to help us accept the faith that lies ahead of us…..For where your heart is, happiness follows… is that it?….

Mind: Yes, and wherever you are, troubled and calm, i am there, to balance

things. So Heart, always talk to me….

Heart: And Mind, help me think things through….

When You Walked Into My Life

When You walked into my Life
by: Jaci Velasquez

I've waited all this time
Counting minutes as they pass
Searching for a sign
Wishing for the best
And just when my hopes were wearing thin
You turned my heart to love again

Like a miracle out of the blue
You rescued me like the angels do
You shook the heavens and cracked the sky
When You walked
When You walked into my life

When You appeared
Like sight to the blind
Like music to my ears
Like reason to a rhyme
And just when I thought my chance was gone
Love came to me with open arms

You spoke my name
And the world began again
You touched my heart
And it opened

Imagine Me Without You

Imagine Me Without You
by: Jaci Velasquez

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You're the only love I'll need

In my life You're all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

When I found You I was blessed
And I will never leave You, I need You

Chorus:
Imagine me without You
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without You there to see me through

Imagine me without You
Lord, You know it's just impossible
Because of You, it's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without You

When You caught me I was falling
You're love lifted me back on my feet
It was like You heard me calling
And You rush to set me free

When I found You I was blessed
And I will never leave You, I need You

Chorus

When I found You I was blessed
And I will never leave You, I need You oh

Chorus

I can't imagine me without You

I Promise

by Jaci Velasquez

Lord, You know my heart
And all my desires
And the secret things I'll never tell
Lord, You know them well

Though I may be young
I see and understand
That at times like sheep we go astray
And things get out of hand

Chorus:
So I promise to be true to You
To live my life in purity
As unto You
Waiting for the day
When I hear You say
Here is the one I have created
Just for you

Until then, O Lord
I will be content
Knowing that true love
Will come someday
It will only come from You

Cause I have seen the suffering
That loneliness can cause
When we choose to give our love away
Without a righteous cause

Losing Heart

October 18, 2010

Luke 18:1-8
Then he told them a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary. He said, "There was a judge in a certain town who neither feared God nor respect any human being. And a widow in that town used to come to him and say, 'Render a just decision for me against my adversary.' For a long time the judge was unwilling, but eventually he thought,'While it is true that I neither fear God nor respect any human being, because this widow keeps bothering me I shall deliver a just decicion for her lest she finally come and strike me." The Lord said,"Pay attentionto what the dishonest judge says. Will not God then secure the rights of his chosen ones who call out to him day and night? Will he be slow to answer them? I tell you, he will see to it that justice is done for them speedily. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on Earth?"

Losing heart

Do we believe in the power of prayer?

Why do we pray? Such a question that one Aetheist professor once asked in our class. I got so mad at him because of such stupidity. I said to myself, how could one person dare to ask this? Does he not pray? Have he never asked for anything? Have he never been so blessed enough to thank God on it? Thinking about it now, and everything that have happened already, I again come across the question why do I pray?

Yes, I believe in the power of prayer. Or do I really? How come it had been so long already that I have prayed an effective prayer? Where, I really got down on what the Lord is trying to tell me. On what he means on things that have happened in my life or is happening in my life. Times where he tells me things that only He and I knows. What changed? What happened along the way, from then and now?

The problems that have strucked my life for the past years have led me to losing hope hence losing heart. It seems like there had been no end to all these problems. It kept persisting like cancer. Slowly, eating me, taking away my life. You know its there and you could not do anything to make it go away. I have lost the hope that its going to heal. I have lost the hope that "Everything will be alright". I have lost all the hope, and so I stopped praying.

What more is there for me to ask?

I stop at that question. For until now I am still in search of the answer. I could not ask for healing of the ailment because its cancer, and its never going to heal. Only miracles make it happen. Lately, I stopped seeing those miracles, not because my eyes could not see them but because I choose to ignore them, believing that miracle is never going to happen in my life.

I stopped praying because, nothing is changing. The more I pray, the more it hurts. It hurts because I keep hoping. Hoping for something brighter. Then suddenly my hopes get crashed, pain, unending pain.

So I stopped. No hope, no prayer, no pain.Stagnant.
Such disillusionment. I wonder when will I come out from all these?

Love Hurts

It's hard to love
When you've been hurt
it's better to hate
And on loving, be late

But i didn't know
That the more i hate you
The more feelings on my heart grew
Because of my unexpected love for you

My heart which was once lock
Is now open because of the knock
The knock which is the love
For you that i have

Since I met the guy - YOU
That on me you said "hi"
A lot of me have changed
Cause in my heart, you took charge

But still part of my heart is left
The part of being afraid
Afraid of being hurt again
Hurt because of loving - YOU

A 'lil Fantasy

I've seen a lot in books
About guys who have a lot of looks
I've seen a lot in dreams
Lovers whose heart gleams

These are just dreams and just looks
You shouldn't be hook
They are all fantasy
To cover life's reality

For everyone has a meaning
To everything that is happening
To our world full of sorrow
We don't even know if we have a tomorrow

The world which is tasty
Is the world of fantasy
Full of mystery and wonder
Where your heart could ponder

Yes it could be true
Fantasy could not be reality
But it's also true
Reality is good when there's a 'lil fantasy

Healing God

July 1, 2010

Mt 9:1-8

"He entered the boat, made the crossing and came into his own town. And there people brought to him a paralytic lying on a stretcher. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Courage, child, your sins are forgiven." At that some of the scribes said to themselves, "This man is blaspheming." Jesus knew what they ere thinking, and said, "Why do you harbor evil thoughts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins are forgive,' or to say, 'Rise and walk'? That you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" -- he then said to the paralytic, "Rise pick up your stretcher, and go home." He rose and went home. When the crowds saw this they were struck with awe and glorified God who had given such authority to human beings.

HEALING GOD

The man brought to Jesus suffered paralysis and affliction that renders the body parts numb and senseless -In His Steps

Like that man the current state of my life is in paralysis. I have become numb and senseless. This had happened because I choose it to be. I wanted to be numb and senseless to stop feeling the pain; to stop thinking about it; to be able to go on with life; That choice went deeper for I did not know that, that numbness and senselessness will influence all my body parts. Right now I am in the state of my life that giving up on life is just the best thing to do. I have become paralyzed. I have become stagnant.

I do not want to feel pain so I hardened my heart not knowing that the numbness would infect all the aspects of my life, work, service, and everything. Right now, I am slowly finding a way to be able to regain it all. The happiness; the desire to live; the passion to serve; the purity of heart; the positivity which makes me who I really am.

The gospel struck me and I prayed that God will remove the paralysis; numbness and senselessness in my life. That like in the gospel, He will also tell me "Courage, child, your sins are forgiven." That Jesus will say, "Everything is going to be alright, wait for the fulfillment of my plans for you."

And finally I pray that may I have the patience to wait and the perseverance to go on with life inspite of the many deep holes on the road I am walking secure in the thought that the Lord is walking with me and whatever happens, He will never leave me alone.

Doctors

July 3, 2010

Matthew 9:9-13

"As Jesus passed on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the customs post. He said to him, "Follow me." And he got up and followed him. While he was at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat with Jesus and his disciples. The pharisees saw this and said to his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" He heard this and said "Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. Go and learn the meaning of the words, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' I did not come to call the righteous but sinners."

DOCTORS

Doctors are very vital in our society they are the ones that provide healing and ultimately life to those who are wanting it. More often than not, we visit our physicians in times when we are already ailing of pain. We don't usually go for a check up. Only when necessity calls it then we meet with our doctors, only then will we know how grave or mild our sickness is.

'Those who are well do not need a physician. Very appropriate. Working in the creative team, I have observed that the members of the team are the ones who really need a healing. We even fondly call the team as a hospital of the sick for most members have their individual struggles. It is during these sick moments that we call on to Christ, the more sick you become, the tighter your hold is on Him.

As a thought, I am glad that in my life now, I am sick because it allowed me to have a check up with the Lord. The struggles and pains in my life are a way to remind me that every time I am in pain, I need to consult the doctor. The greater the pain, the more meetings I have with my doctor. And just like any other patient, I want all the pains to easily leave me so I can be okey again; just like any patient, I have the fear that the pain would sooner kill me if it does not stop. But when I heard the Lord say, "Follow Me.", I will never hesitate. Just like what Matthew did. I will go and follow him.

For I know that only in following Him will I find the cure to all my ailing. Confident that I am walking with The Doctor, the greatest healer of all. And when pain becomes unbearable, he would be there to soothe it all.

Falling In Love

The most common thing that happens between the friendship of a guy and a girl is one of them falling in love with the other. Then one faces the question: “will I tell him/her about my feelings? What if our friendship would be ruined?”
 
I have been asking that for two years now. Will I tell him?
 
My decision came about because I have been battling with that question of telling him or not, it’s all the same anyway. It’s a damn if I do and damn if I don’t situation.
 
If I don’t tell him, I would continue hiding these feelings, continue communicating with him, continue being just the friend whom he can depend on, continue to pretend to myself that I can get over the feeling of falling in love with my best friend. But can I really?
 
If I do tell him, I would risk our friendship. Am I ready for that? I would risk the time that I could have spent just being with him. But I could also set my love free and maybe, just maybe he return that feelings (1% hope), if not, at least, I could crush that hope and start moving on. I could stop pretending and denying to myself, and I would not have ‘what ifs’ in my life.
 
So the decision came. I will tell him.
 
But lacking a man’s courage, I ended up writing him instead. I gave him a selfish letter telling him how I thank him for all the friendship that he has given me, for being the best person that has been for me, and for allowing me to learn and experience things through him. Selfish in the sense that my primary objective in writing the letter is to end our friendship, so we could stop communicating, then I would start to move on, because I have always had that feeling, that he does not return my love, so I have been set on moving on. Yet, I could not move on because there is still a hope left inside that maybe just maybe he return the feelings and just trying to hide it as well.
 
Writing the letter and giving him the letter was the easiest part.

Friendship or Love?

After deleting and burning all the memories of the person that I used to love, I have come to the biggest realizations of my entire life… So I am entitling this…
 
Friendship or love: Which would you prefer?
 
 
Five months ago, I left a letter to a friend, telling him that I like him. After that, the last five months of my life seem to be unreal. The friend that I am talking about is not just any kind of friend. He is the closest that I got, he is the person whom I usually depended on some things, the kind of person I could talk to about anything. Even before I have given that letter I have been battling over and over whether to let him know that I love him. I thought, I have to risk, because I do not want to have what ifs in my life. And I said, once I will give him this letter no regrets on all the consequences that will happen. Hence, I gave the letter.
 
I have always known even from the start that he does not feel the same way that I did knowing he has a girlfriend of say more than four years now? But I still risked. Because I had hoped that maybe just maybe, he might actually feel the same way that I did.
 
When the confrontation happened about my feelings for him, yes, I said to my self there is no reason I am regretting any of these. He told me he also loves me and it’s just that ‘we will not meet in the end’. Up to now, I still don’t know if the ‘I love you’ part is true or just a lie. I do not know the reasons why he said it and I don’t want to know. I told him not worry about me because I know I would be able to move on past the feelings that I have. For the last 2 months or so, that is what I have been just doing. Being a million miles away from him now, had given me the opportunity to really forget that love. But inspite of that distance, our communication continued. Times would come that I feel I really missed him so much. I never fail to tell him I love him. In fact, I have left no room for pride in allowing him to know how much I love him. And because of that, I loose my friend.
 
I did not lose him in a way that he stopped communicating with me. It is more of I loose the person whom I have come to know as my friend. The biggest realization that I actually just had is that: I have already started moving on from the love. The times that I miss him, does not necessarily mean I love him still. I could not stop missing him, now I know why. I have lost my friend. That is whom I missed so much and I could not find him anymore in the person that I claimed to love. That was because I changed and that change forced me to loose one great person in my life.
 
Now, I actually do not know what I am going to do. Just thinking about it makes me miss my friend so much. I choose to stop communicating with him inspite of his constant messages because I am so ashamed of everything that has happened. Of everything that I did. Of all the proclamations of love I said. Yes, I have the biggest regret in my entire life.
 
If given a chance to undo everything, I would take the letter back. I would never give it to him. Because losing a great friend is much worse than an unrequited love.
 
If he comes to get a hold of this blog, I just want him to know that:
 
My friend, I am sorry for everything that has happened and everything that I did. After reading everything, every single letter I wrote, it means I have said goodbye to the love that I felt for you. Yes it may not be easy and it is the most painful thing to do but the greater pain is losing you, the friend that I used to talk to so much about anything, from simple topics to worse. Now, I do not have the courage to face you anymore. Maybe I can only start communicating with you once you tell me:
 
“Gang, this is me your old friend I hope you still remember me.”

i love you

i love you
three sweet words
i'd like to tell you
to let you know how i feel for you

i love you
so simple to read, yet hard to say
especially if it is on you i would say
cause i know it comes from my heart

i love you
words which are so sacred
you shouldn't say if your only playing
for on me it could only hurt

i love you
words which becomes nonsense
if you don't show
what it's real meaning is

i love you
From your mouth i want to hear
to let me know
if we've shared the same feelings too

i love you
it may take me years to tell you
but when i do so,
there'd be no doubt on what i'd say to you

Hope

July 3, 2010

John 20: 24-29
" Thomas, called Didymus, one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples said to him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nail marks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." Now a week later his disciples were again inside and Thomas was with them . Jesus came, although the doors were locked, and stood in their midst and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe." Thomas answered and said to him, "My Lord and My God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed."

Do you believe that Jesus is interested in every detail of our lives?

HOPE

Hope is what sustains a man. So goes a saying. It is what keeps us fueled in our everyday lives. The hope that someday, our lives could improve, the hope that someday we will heal of our physical pains; the hope that one day we would be rich; the hope to get employed; the hope that one day our dreams would come true. Hope then is vital-- for others.

"Do not be unbelieving but believe!" The Lord is plainly telling me to believe Him! Stubborn as I am, I do not want to because I am afraid to hope, for with hoping comes dis appointments then pain. It had been a long time now that I had been hoping for something or someone. I have remained hopeful for that one person to the point that I have become stupid. Even as I condone myself for continually hoping, I could not help it, I still hope, hence I hurt.

So I want to stop hoping. To stop hoping that there could be a better future for me out there. To just continue to live day by day. To stop hoping so that I could stop hurting. When I stop hurting there would no longer be pains. But today's gospel reminded me that God is at work in every detail of our lives. He never misses out. His delays are deliberate for he has something greater in store for us. We all just have to believe. And believe.

So for now, If I want to go on living, I will continue to hope even if it hurts even if it pains me for it is only in hoping that I get to experience the beauty of God's plot for my life. For if something I have hoped for in years did not come to fulfillment I would be able to appreciate greatly the exchange he has provided. An exchange of something bigger than I expected and the very thing I deserve. So I will hope for only in hoping I come to appreciate FATE.

Salvation

August 17, 2010

Matthew 19:23-30
Then Jesus said to His disciples, "Amen I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God." When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus looked at them and said, " For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible." Then Peter said to Him in reply, "We have given up everything and followed you. What will there be for us?" Jesus said to the, "Amen, I say to you that you who have followed me, in the new age, when the Son of Man is seated on His throne of glory, will yourselves sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.

SALVATION

As a Christian I had been oriented to do good always for me to be able to enter into God's kingdom. Growing up, I thought that was enough to merit me heaven. NO. Then I was told to introduce Jesus to others so I could enter His kingdom and so I did in my community. Doing everything and every possible way for God to be known to everyone through creative and effective evangelization. But still, even this does not give me the assurance to enter into God's kingdom. In the Gospel, even Peter, was not sure where they will be and he asked the Lord. And He said to him that those who have given up any attachments of the world for the sake of his kingdom is the key to entering heaven.

What are those that I have not given up in the world that would keep me away from God's kingdom. And I would say, there still are many. The desires of richness, success, beauty, family, love and even caprices. Things that I have not yet learned to let go of. With these the Lord is telling me to let go of all of these. But the very thing that I Could not let go of is the fear that what I have dreamed of will not be fulfilled. But God says, all things are possible that even a camel could pass through the eye of a needle. I just have to learn to let go of it to be able to allow God to work in this section of my life so I could focus myself more in growing deeper with Him so I may gain the salvation that He has promised to Peter.

Learnings on Love (2/x)

May 9, 2010

After proving to myself that proximity and nearness really is true, I am now faced with a big question that I know many of us have also asked once in our life. Would telling the person how I feel for him or her be worth it? Have you not? My learning lead me to believe that..
 
LOVE is worth telling
 
When I realized that the feelings I have for this person are real and true, I hid it for the fear that others might know, then he will know, then I would lose him for good. I tried my very best in hiding it from him. It never was easy. To be able to hide it, I have to pretend to be okay when he and his many crushes are texting each other. To endure the pain that he wanted to spend time with his crushes and he wanted me to accompany him. To be happy for him when one of his crushes actually says its ok that they would dine together and to listen to his excited narration of how happy he is with the turnout of the dinner.
 
I have kept my emotions always in check. An excerpt from my diary says:
 
As for today, it is enough that I did not declare to him my undying love and devotion.
(May 10)

(Come to think about that, I would soon be celebrating an anniversary for those words).
 
Keeping my emotions in check means, controlling the desire of wanting to hug him while he is driving, of wanting to lay back at him while I am driving, of just staring at him while he is talking, of wanting to show him how much I love him. I was able to control them all. Though there had been a million times that I have been tempted to tell him all about it. For 2 years, I was able to hide it. As I mastered the art of hiding, the feeling grew even stronger and the desire to let him know and to take the chance on the possibility of love, grew with it.
 
After a year of friendship, he left the city for work, to a profession which I thought best suits him. His work demanded him to cut communication for at least 3 months. The distance and not hearing from him gave me a chance to forget him, or so I thought. One morning he called, it was February 14, and greeted me Happy Valentine's Day. The chance of forgetting him flew out the window.
 
A year have followed. With his distance, we grew closer as he kept calling, updating me on the training that he is undergoing. The more my feelings for him grew. It soon went from tolerable to explosive. I feared it. Then a chance came. A chance to leave the city for good, to turn back from him, to turn my back on a love that have enslaved me. I grabbed it hoping that it would take me 5 years before I see him again. By that time, I was sure as hell that all the love I have for him would all be gone. Cowardice. I know.
 
Before I left, I got the chance to visit him where he was training. I left a letter telling him how happy I was to know him, to be able to grow in Christian faith with his inspiration. The letter basically applauded him for being a great guy. But it could never be missed that I said I have strong feelings for him and was happy to get the chance to experience that kind of feeling for him.

The decision whether to tell him or not was not easy. It took me two years before I could muster the courage to do it. And two write ups to be able to decide on it. A part of my write up says:

I have been asking that for two years now. Will I tell him?
 
My decision came about because I have been battling with that question of telling him or not, it’s all the same anyway. It’s a damn if I do and damn if I don’t situation.
 
If I don’t tell him, I would continue hiding these feelings, continue communicating with him, continue being just the friend whom he can depend on, continue to pretend to myself that I can get over the feeling of falling in love with my best friend. But can I really?
 
If I do tell him, I would risk our friendship. Am I ready for that? I would risk the time that I could have spent just being with him. But I could also set my love free and maybe, just maybe he return that feelings (1% hope), if not, at least, I could crush that hope and start moving on. I could stop pretending and denying to myself, and I would not have ‘what ifs’ in my life.
(Excerpt from Falling In Love With Your Best Friend.)

So you see, I ended up telling him. It was there that I learned that LOVE is worth telling, not only for the men but even for the women. Love is meant to be given and not hidden. Love is meant to be shared and not kept.
 
In this Christian culture that we have, society dictates us that women should wait until a man courts her, only then would she have the chance to choose among these suitors whom she likes best. It is prudence.
 
In my experience, I was glad I told him. I was glad to be given the chance to love him and to let him know that I do. It allowed me the freedom to express to him how I value him as a person. And most importantly, it stopped me thinking on the 'what ifs'. What are those?
 
Those are the things that keep you awake late at night thinking. What if he really loves me? What if there really is a chance? What if I try to risk? What if there really could be a future for us both? What if I could really be happy? Haven't you had any of those?
 
The ordeal though after he learned about how I feel was not easy. That even up to now, I am still experiencing the consequences of that action. I may say that love is worth telling, because the moment, that very moment that he knew, it was the happiest I have ever been. But on an afterthought, the action is worth doing only for those people who have the courage to face what life may throw at them.
 
As the days continued along with the feelings, I soon realized that, telling someone you love him is not for the faint of heart.
 
 

Learnings on Love (1/x)

This has been over due. But it is better to start it now; the end though would surely be a lifelong one…

Three years ago, I learned to love someone. It was then the start of my education on the course called LOVE. The past three years of my life had been spent on love. I loved. I got hurt. I learned. I want to remember all of those I have learned to keep me running in life and be reminded that I have been through a lot but I made it. May these learning as I share it, help others overcome their problems on the matters of the heart..

Theory of Proximity and Nearness

This person that I love was the person closest to me. We get to spend a lot of time together. Do things together. He was my confidant and I was his. We were seldom away from each other. We go out together in many occasions. We worked together as partner brother and sister in a Christian renewal community. He had helped me a lot in my Christian growth. Because of the times and the occasions that we had been together, I did not notice, that love for him was slowly creeping into my heart without my knowledge.

When I discovered that his work is putting him in a dangerous situation, it was then that I came face to face with my feelings and painfully admitted that I don't want to lose this person. Not in anyway, all because I love him. It came as a slap. It was all so wrong. The person whom I love is in a relationship with someone else.

At first, having a guy friend who is attached gives me the freedom to treat the person naturally, without the fear of him ever falling for me or me ever falling for him. The plan backfired. I totally forgot the theory of proximity and nearness. I thought that befriending someone who is currently attached would exempt me from that theory. It didn't. I only proved one thing.

It is a theory. As defined by Encarta,

the·o·ry [th əree, three]

(plural the·o·ries) noun

rules and techniques: the body of rules, ideas, principles, and techniques that applies to a subject, especially when seen as distinct from actual practice 

               

speculation: abstract thought or contemplation


idea formed by speculation: an idea of or belief about something arrived at through speculation or conjecture.


hypothetical circumstances: a set of circumstances or principles that is hypothetical.


 scientific principle to explain phenomena: a set of facts, propositions, or principles analyzed in their    relation to one another and used, especially in science, to explain phenomena

Microsoft® Encarta® 2009. © 1993-2008 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

A theory is a set of facts. It has been tried and tested to be true for it to merit the word theory. It applies to everyone without exemption.

So what really is this theory? The theory states that, the more you are spending time with that person the more you are going to fall for each other. I forgot that! Without my knowledge, I learned to love my closest friend that led to more learnings on love….