Bio Data of My God

         (My Great God Experience)

Lover. Healer. Is the name I generally use for my God. I know I can call him Father, Teacher, Friend, etc., but Lover and Healer are the ones that struck me most. They are names of people I never had in my life.

I never had a lover who could make me cry and laugh at the same time. Someone who whispers 'I love you' in times when I needed to hear it most. Someone who tells me 'I also get jealous you know!' Someone who stays and loves me even if I have been pushing Him away. Someone who takes me back even if I have hurt him and had been unfaithful to Him numerous times. Someone whom you know and confident that would be there for you even if others have already turned their backs from you. A Great Loving God.

I have met a lot of Doctors but blessed as I am I have never been admitted to a hospital. I have never been needing physical help from a healer. But pain is far beyond the physical pain. Yes, I may have never been admitted to a hospital but the pain, scars and injuries I have gone and is going through in my life needs more than a plaster of band-aid. I don't even know if a surgery would heal it. They fail to see how sick I am and how much I am in need of a healer, so I ask God to not only be my lover but to also be my Healer.

Those two describes best my God. The ones I need most in my life. He is male and aging around 40ish and I deeply got to know Him during my high school days when I entered in a Christian community, though it was my parents who first introduced Him to me as Saviour.  He lives in my house,  so I can easily talk to him when I want to. But there are things I can't talk to Him at home, like sins. So I schedule a visit with Him at His office called the church  where I often attend mass. When I can't seem to hear him at home (usually those times are times when I get so full of sins and I stopped listening to his lectures and He stops talking, I guess), I also go there. I think God sees me as very unfaithful to him and when I go to His office, in times when I feel the gravity of all the sins I have committed, he takes me back again,  without me even needing to beg him. Very forgiving God.

We usually talk about matters in my Family. Like when our family problem is going to end, what he is trying to teach me with this problem, etc. I consider Him to be the Greatest Architect, my Idol, I get to have the best advices from Him for my profession,  He even promised me that He would be making wonders in my life beyond I could imagine but up to now, I have kept ignoring His advice and He still patiently waits for the time that He could make those wonders. And that is what frightens me with Him. And as he is my lover, love and love life is usually our favorite topic of discussion at home or at his office. He usually finds me crying many times when we get to this topic and because of that, He found my weakest spot that all I needed was someone to love me and never let me go. He just says He will surprise me one of these days. That, considering He has surprised me billion times already.

Presently, I usually do the talking so how I wish He could be more talkative to me like the way He used to be when He gave me prophetic tongues. The last time He told me was 'Let go and let Me' that was way back in June. When I talk to Him again, it is the same thing! He tells me over and over and over again, even up to now! I am really hard headed. So it took a while for me but now I get it, to Let Go and Let God.

Right now, as I am without a Healer and a Lover, I am just glad and always been reminded that I have a Great God to fill what I feel is lacking in me.

Great God! I like!

Hunger

Matthew 15:29-37

 “Jesus Feeds Four Thousand”

Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I feel sorry for these people, because they have been with me for three days and now have nothing to eat. I don’t want to send them away without feeding them, for they might faint on their way home,” 

The disciples asked him, “Where will we find enough food in this desert to feed this crowd?”

 “How much bread do you have?” Jesus asked,

“Seven loaves,” they answered, “and a few small fish,”

 So Jesus ordered the crowd to sit down on the ground. Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, have thanks to God, broke them, and gave them to the disciples; and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and had enough.

Then the disciples took up seven baskets full of pieces left over.

Hunger

I could just imagine how hungry the crowd that followed Jesus is. They are physically and spiritually hungry. Maybe famished in fact. Yet what amazed me is that not only it is that Jesus recognized the hunger they have but they themselves recognize what it is that they are hungry of. To fill that emptiness, they took hold of the opportunity to pursue that very thing that would fill their emptiness.

What is it I am hungry of? There are many. But what struck me in the gospel and have given my heart the strength is what the Lord said:

“I feel sorry for these people, because they have been with me for three days and now have nothing to eat.

He felt sorry for those people that had been with Him for three days. If in three days time, he had been able to recognize the hunger of those people who have followed Him what more of those people who have followed Him the rest of their 26 years of living. He would definitely know the hunger that is needed to be filled. He knew that I have nothing more to eat. He knew that I am already on my wits end. He knew that even if I wanted to fill the hunger of others, I could not because there is not even food  left for me to eat then there is nothing that I could give either.

I don’t want to send them away without feeding them, for they might faint on their way home,” 

It was because of following Jesus that the people have felt the physical hunger. Jesus knew that. It was on the third day the people were fed not on the first day when we know He actually could. It took three days before their hunger was filled. He did it for them to recognize what it is they are hungry of. For them to recognize what it is that they need themselves to be filled with. Now that they have recognize the hunger, He wants to fill it before He sends them out again on a much greater journey.

I have recognized my hunger. I am currently eating so I may be filled again. There is a much greater journey that I will be embarking soon in my life that only the Lord knows what. I have to eat and fill myself so that along that long journey I would not be feeling any hunger nor pain brought about by the feeling. Instead, I will have the focus and the determination to continue on the road I will be taking - to the Pit Stop! No stopovers, no detours, not even a roadblock could stop me from arriving there.

“Seven loaves,” they answered, “and a few small fish,”

….and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and had enough.

Then the disciples took up seven baskets full of pieces left over.

From the little I have around me He has filled me and left me overflowing that I may have more for myself and even more to give to the hungry people I will encounter on my journey. If along that long journey, I get emptied again, all I have to remember is that He will sustain me for He does not want me to faint as I journey towards meeting Him on His home.

Have you been filled? May in anyway the Lord use me to fill your hunger that I may bring you along the journey. I am sure it would be much fun with you around.

Losing Heart

October 18, 2010

Luke 18:1-8
Then he told them a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary. He said, "There was a judge in a certain town who neither feared God nor respect any human being. And a widow in that town used to come to him and say, 'Render a just decision for me against my adversary.' For a long time the judge was unwilling, but eventually he thought,'While it is true that I neither fear God nor respect any human being, because this widow keeps bothering me I shall deliver a just decicion for her lest she finally come and strike me." The Lord said,"Pay attentionto what the dishonest judge says. Will not God then secure the rights of his chosen ones who call out to him day and night? Will he be slow to answer them? I tell you, he will see to it that justice is done for them speedily. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on Earth?"

Losing heart

Do we believe in the power of prayer?

Why do we pray? Such a question that one Aetheist professor once asked in our class. I got so mad at him because of such stupidity. I said to myself, how could one person dare to ask this? Does he not pray? Have he never asked for anything? Have he never been so blessed enough to thank God on it? Thinking about it now, and everything that have happened already, I again come across the question why do I pray?

Yes, I believe in the power of prayer. Or do I really? How come it had been so long already that I have prayed an effective prayer? Where, I really got down on what the Lord is trying to tell me. On what he means on things that have happened in my life or is happening in my life. Times where he tells me things that only He and I knows. What changed? What happened along the way, from then and now?

The problems that have strucked my life for the past years have led me to losing hope hence losing heart. It seems like there had been no end to all these problems. It kept persisting like cancer. Slowly, eating me, taking away my life. You know its there and you could not do anything to make it go away. I have lost the hope that its going to heal. I have lost the hope that "Everything will be alright". I have lost all the hope, and so I stopped praying.

What more is there for me to ask?

I stop at that question. For until now I am still in search of the answer. I could not ask for healing of the ailment because its cancer, and its never going to heal. Only miracles make it happen. Lately, I stopped seeing those miracles, not because my eyes could not see them but because I choose to ignore them, believing that miracle is never going to happen in my life.

I stopped praying because, nothing is changing. The more I pray, the more it hurts. It hurts because I keep hoping. Hoping for something brighter. Then suddenly my hopes get crashed, pain, unending pain.

So I stopped. No hope, no prayer, no pain.Stagnant.
Such disillusionment. I wonder when will I come out from all these?

Healing God

July 1, 2010

Mt 9:1-8

"He entered the boat, made the crossing and came into his own town. And there people brought to him a paralytic lying on a stretcher. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Courage, child, your sins are forgiven." At that some of the scribes said to themselves, "This man is blaspheming." Jesus knew what they ere thinking, and said, "Why do you harbor evil thoughts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins are forgive,' or to say, 'Rise and walk'? That you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" -- he then said to the paralytic, "Rise pick up your stretcher, and go home." He rose and went home. When the crowds saw this they were struck with awe and glorified God who had given such authority to human beings.

HEALING GOD

The man brought to Jesus suffered paralysis and affliction that renders the body parts numb and senseless -In His Steps

Like that man the current state of my life is in paralysis. I have become numb and senseless. This had happened because I choose it to be. I wanted to be numb and senseless to stop feeling the pain; to stop thinking about it; to be able to go on with life; That choice went deeper for I did not know that, that numbness and senselessness will influence all my body parts. Right now I am in the state of my life that giving up on life is just the best thing to do. I have become paralyzed. I have become stagnant.

I do not want to feel pain so I hardened my heart not knowing that the numbness would infect all the aspects of my life, work, service, and everything. Right now, I am slowly finding a way to be able to regain it all. The happiness; the desire to live; the passion to serve; the purity of heart; the positivity which makes me who I really am.

The gospel struck me and I prayed that God will remove the paralysis; numbness and senselessness in my life. That like in the gospel, He will also tell me "Courage, child, your sins are forgiven." That Jesus will say, "Everything is going to be alright, wait for the fulfillment of my plans for you."

And finally I pray that may I have the patience to wait and the perseverance to go on with life inspite of the many deep holes on the road I am walking secure in the thought that the Lord is walking with me and whatever happens, He will never leave me alone.

Doctors

July 3, 2010

Matthew 9:9-13

"As Jesus passed on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the customs post. He said to him, "Follow me." And he got up and followed him. While he was at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat with Jesus and his disciples. The pharisees saw this and said to his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" He heard this and said "Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. Go and learn the meaning of the words, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' I did not come to call the righteous but sinners."

DOCTORS

Doctors are very vital in our society they are the ones that provide healing and ultimately life to those who are wanting it. More often than not, we visit our physicians in times when we are already ailing of pain. We don't usually go for a check up. Only when necessity calls it then we meet with our doctors, only then will we know how grave or mild our sickness is.

'Those who are well do not need a physician. Very appropriate. Working in the creative team, I have observed that the members of the team are the ones who really need a healing. We even fondly call the team as a hospital of the sick for most members have their individual struggles. It is during these sick moments that we call on to Christ, the more sick you become, the tighter your hold is on Him.

As a thought, I am glad that in my life now, I am sick because it allowed me to have a check up with the Lord. The struggles and pains in my life are a way to remind me that every time I am in pain, I need to consult the doctor. The greater the pain, the more meetings I have with my doctor. And just like any other patient, I want all the pains to easily leave me so I can be okey again; just like any patient, I have the fear that the pain would sooner kill me if it does not stop. But when I heard the Lord say, "Follow Me.", I will never hesitate. Just like what Matthew did. I will go and follow him.

For I know that only in following Him will I find the cure to all my ailing. Confident that I am walking with The Doctor, the greatest healer of all. And when pain becomes unbearable, he would be there to soothe it all.

Hope

July 3, 2010

John 20: 24-29
" Thomas, called Didymus, one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples said to him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nail marks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." Now a week later his disciples were again inside and Thomas was with them . Jesus came, although the doors were locked, and stood in their midst and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe." Thomas answered and said to him, "My Lord and My God!" Jesus said to him, "Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed."

Do you believe that Jesus is interested in every detail of our lives?

HOPE

Hope is what sustains a man. So goes a saying. It is what keeps us fueled in our everyday lives. The hope that someday, our lives could improve, the hope that someday we will heal of our physical pains; the hope that one day we would be rich; the hope to get employed; the hope that one day our dreams would come true. Hope then is vital-- for others.

"Do not be unbelieving but believe!" The Lord is plainly telling me to believe Him! Stubborn as I am, I do not want to because I am afraid to hope, for with hoping comes dis appointments then pain. It had been a long time now that I had been hoping for something or someone. I have remained hopeful for that one person to the point that I have become stupid. Even as I condone myself for continually hoping, I could not help it, I still hope, hence I hurt.

So I want to stop hoping. To stop hoping that there could be a better future for me out there. To just continue to live day by day. To stop hoping so that I could stop hurting. When I stop hurting there would no longer be pains. But today's gospel reminded me that God is at work in every detail of our lives. He never misses out. His delays are deliberate for he has something greater in store for us. We all just have to believe. And believe.

So for now, If I want to go on living, I will continue to hope even if it hurts even if it pains me for it is only in hoping that I get to experience the beauty of God's plot for my life. For if something I have hoped for in years did not come to fulfillment I would be able to appreciate greatly the exchange he has provided. An exchange of something bigger than I expected and the very thing I deserve. So I will hope for only in hoping I come to appreciate FATE.

Salvation

August 17, 2010

Matthew 19:23-30
Then Jesus said to His disciples, "Amen I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God." When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus looked at them and said, " For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible." Then Peter said to Him in reply, "We have given up everything and followed you. What will there be for us?" Jesus said to the, "Amen, I say to you that you who have followed me, in the new age, when the Son of Man is seated on His throne of glory, will yourselves sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.

SALVATION

As a Christian I had been oriented to do good always for me to be able to enter into God's kingdom. Growing up, I thought that was enough to merit me heaven. NO. Then I was told to introduce Jesus to others so I could enter His kingdom and so I did in my community. Doing everything and every possible way for God to be known to everyone through creative and effective evangelization. But still, even this does not give me the assurance to enter into God's kingdom. In the Gospel, even Peter, was not sure where they will be and he asked the Lord. And He said to him that those who have given up any attachments of the world for the sake of his kingdom is the key to entering heaven.

What are those that I have not given up in the world that would keep me away from God's kingdom. And I would say, there still are many. The desires of richness, success, beauty, family, love and even caprices. Things that I have not yet learned to let go of. With these the Lord is telling me to let go of all of these. But the very thing that I Could not let go of is the fear that what I have dreamed of will not be fulfilled. But God says, all things are possible that even a camel could pass through the eye of a needle. I just have to learn to let go of it to be able to allow God to work in this section of my life so I could focus myself more in growing deeper with Him so I may gain the salvation that He has promised to Peter.