One's Greatest Enemy

"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors.

Try to be better than yourself."

William Faulkner

Starting from childhood, it was already ingrained in me to desire success. To excel from the previous accomplishments i have had. I grew up thinking that success and accomplishments are very essential in a person's life.

All the things i have desired for myself i was able to achieve quiet easily. Because of the will power, of becoming better than what i used to be. 26 years of my life, i have done nothing but that. To glide from one success to another. To always desire the best and not settle for mediocrity. Success then, equates my name.

Living with it, also made me demand the best from others. Especially when i know that the person can excel far better than his present accomplishments. To demand order and perfection not only from myself but from those people who surrounds me, whom i love.

Order and Perfection. Words that may be alien to some. To be able to have this, one must be in control. 

For the past 2 years of my life, i have felt losing control of the perfection i have created. I have met with people who would hate you for desiring success for themselves, who would put you down because you desire greatness in every event and situation that you come in contact with, people who silently hates you because of your demands for them, to be successful as well. To be excellent, to be better. Of people putting you in a pedestal of unattainability and forsakes you, judge you, not because you have sinned but because you have succeeded and keep demanding success in yourself and others. I never knew, that success sinful.

These events in my life, ate me up to the point that i stopped aiming for success. Opportunities which we call "breaks" comes into my life and i so willingly choose to let it go. Not because i could not do it but because i don't want to do it. I got tired of the labels that puts my name in a pedestal. So i stopped. I allowed failure to enter into my life. 

And now, i have completely lost the sense of who i am. The achiever. I am now in a point of hating myself for allowing others' opinion to matter in my life. I want to be great. I want to be excellent. I want to be famous. Right now, my greatest enemy is myself, for accepting in my vocabulary the word 'failure'. I am currently in a personal character battle. And in this battle i would try my best to emerge successful. Not only because i want to, but because that is 'WHO I AM'  and what i am destined to be.

"So help me, God."